Friday, 21 May 2010

Superficial, shallow people.

Without specifying particularly, certain people in my life keep disappointing me.
It hurts to have judgement passed on the way you live your life from a superficial angle
Because that way nothing is ever good enough.
This is just me writing so I don't shout at the wrong people. 
I'd like to point out that I appreciate people for their personality or who they are, not what they do or how they live their lives.
I believe evaluating people superficially and materialistically shows a certain level of narrow mindedness. It also suggests that despite expecting so much of other people, they are in-fact not happy with what they themselves have acheived in life. 
So criticise, but I'm happy with who I am thanks.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but actually having a great end to the week and hopefully an awesome weekend. 
Despite the two people this is directed at, its been awesome being able to see my family and people up here. Maybe if I did this more often I wouldn't get down so much.
But yeah.
Scholarship money came through today.
So pub in a bit
Get wrecked.
End of.

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Well a fun weekend of being pissed off for no reason.

Sometimes I just cant be arsed with things.
This weekend has been one in which I have been the most miserable git in the world.
I can't really help it to be fair, I go through periods where I'm just really down for no reason.
Coupled with insomnia it makes for a really fun mix
And equals in pissed off, miserable, no fun Carrie. 

I think I've got over it. 
After watching random mighty boosh clips and Bonnie Tyler videos whilst drinking cider I seem to be in a much better mood.

I would love to know WHY I'm down.
Its one of those things.
When people ask why your down they expect to have some kind of answer to why your depressed. 
I don't have one? 
I'm not trying to be self-involved
Am just explaining
Things are going surprisingly well for me at the minute, so rightly I shouldn't be down.
Strange how things work like that. 
But that aside, I've just been totally miserable this weekend. Had a random chat at 2am this morning with my mate and it proper cheered me up to know that someone else gets what I'm talking about.

Maybe I just have screwed up brain functions. 
Wouldn't surprise me to be fair.
Think this time its because I'm going through the whole 'why did i choose to go to uni in reading' thing. 
I start to miss people I can't see that much and revision (or extreme procrastination in this case) means no-ones going out much here and that results in cabin fever Carrie, which equals miserable Carrie.

But yeah, rambling aside.
Cheers for people who are always there when I get like this.
And cheers for those I've probably annoyed to death by being miserable.

Emo post over.
I'm now clearly going to go and 'revise'.
And not watch shit and drink cider.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Sometimes you start to lose faith in people.....

 I yet again have had a fun night attempting to sleep and failing miserably. 
I get in this rut of feeling incredibly tired all the time and having little energy yet not being able to sleep.
This rut is called insomnia.
I have to tell you, it sucks.
You do actually learn to live with it to an extent, but if I could be one of those people that fall asleep anywhere, I would be. Seriously.

But yeah, I guess it gives you more time to think. 
Number one topic of the moment is people.
I have some awesome mates but also some who continually let you down. I am quite a generous person so I do sometimes tend to give people second chances who probably do not deserve them.

I can remember in sixth form when I didn't fit in ANYWHERE and started to find people outside of the closeted, shitty private school that I went to. 
Met some awesome people.
Time moves on though and so do people's priorities. 
Seems sometimes people manipulate you and only want to be friends with you when they are single or want your help or money (or lack of, in my case). 
In name of not driving myself clinically insane, I'm going to have to start to bother with these people less.
I did start, the other week, but that's another thing entirely.

There's also people you dedicate time to that turn out to be the biggest dickhead losers on the planet. 
For example those who you start seeing and continually get undermined and accused of cheating on them.
I don't pretend to be an angel, but I definitely do not consider it necessary to be so bitter and insulting when I finally get sick of false accusations.

Another case in which I  mistakenly gave someone a chance I guess.
I suppose in time I will become a better judge of character and experience less constant headfuck.

Have to say though, met some awesome people this year.
You know who you are.

Uni definitely has done me some favours.
Despite having randomly chosen somewhere 400 miles from home, which makes seeing people there rather difficult, (and expensive).
Guess it makes you appreciate people more. 

Well, I'm gonna stop rambling and do some 'revision'
Or perhaps find out why some guy has just walked past my window and made groaning noises.
Actually I might not. 
I am slightly disturbed.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Way too fucking early

Well I actually have a MyOpera blog account already, however the only people that seem to be on there are Asian perverts, so I've decided to give this one a try....

You can see all my past posts (which seem mostly to be of me ranting about stuff) at:

The ranting thing makes sense actually. I usually have the intention to write stuff down to vent rather than continuously bother people with my problems, when they likely have many worse of their own....
This approach works sometimes, and doesn't a lot of the time....mostly I seem to let things build up then flip out over something really stupid.
But the intentions there I guess.
That pretty much sums up my attitude to life really: I'm laid back the vast majority of the time and then suddenly randomly snap over losing a shoe or a bus ticket or something. Obviously it has fuck all to do with the bus ticket, but it sure does get it.

But yeah I'll end up rambling on about pure shite if i continue, plus I feel like shite anyway due to a mixture of hayfever, illness, and insomnia, so I will kindly fuck off now.