Dream Diary

 Out of interest I'm going to start writing a dream diary

Mainly because my dreams seem to be really fucking weird and I'd quite like to know what they mean haha

But yeah I'll start off with the one I had last night then add to it every time I have a new one.

3.08.2010

Dolphins and women freezing to death?

Last night I dreamt some woman was trying to follow a load of dolphins swimming across the Arctic Ocean and eventually froze to death,

interesting because for a start, dolphins are warm blooded and don't live in the arctic ocean, and secondly because why the hell would anyone want to swim after a load of dolphins anyway?

But yeah.

So my dream involved sea, dolphins, and freezing to death.

According to the above link;

Dolphins = To see a dolphin in your dream, symbolizes spiritual guidance, intellect, mental attributes and emotional trust. The dream is usually an inspirational one, encouraging you to utilize your mind to its capacity and move upward in life. Alternatively, it suggests that a line of communication has been established between the conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself. Dolphins represent your willingness and ability to explore and navigate through your emotions.

Sea = To see the sea in your dream, represents your unconscious and the transition between your unconscious and conscious. As with all water symbols, it also represents your emotions. The dream may also be a pun on your understanding and perception of a situation. "I see" or perhaps there is something you need to "see" more clearly. Alternatively, the dream indicates a need to reassure yourself or to offer reassurance to someone. It brings about hope, a new perspective and a positive outlook on life no matter how difficult your current problems may be.

To dream that you are lost at sea, suggests that you are drifting around in life without any direction.  You are feeling overwhelmed by emotions.

Cold = To dream that you are cold, indicates that you are experiencing a breakthrough in some area in your life. Alternatively, you may be feeling isolated or emotionally restrained. Your sense of coldness could reflect your feelings about a lover or a certain person. The dream may also occur as a result of your immediate environment in which you are really feeling cold.

Death = To see someone dying in your dream, signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person.

So... according to this, I need to move upwards with life rather than worrying about my current emotions. I need to see a situation more clearly and have a need to be reassured about the said situation.

 I have a tendency to feel isolated in a relationship at the minute and may have a change in a current relationship.

Im starting to dislike analysing my dreams already.

None of this sounds good 

:( 

13.08.2010
House and gardens events, ex boyfriends, and cushion stealing mothers.
Well, we were at one of these bloody house and garden things where everyone wanders round stately homes. I was with my mates and having a lot of fun (involving a massive water slide or something totally random) and  bumped into my ex boyfriend, and my mam tried to steal cushions on the way out.

Apparently dreaming about exes indicates: 

To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings you felt during that relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to a similar behavioral patterns in your current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship, may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistakes. Alternatively, you may be reflecting on the positive experiences and good times that you shared with your past love. 

In particular, to see your ex-husband/wife in your dream, indicates that you are currently finding yourself in a situation you do not want to be in.  It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable. Alternatively, dreaming that you are together with your ex-husband/wife, implies that you are unconsciously repeating the same old patterns from that relationship to your current relationship. You are making the same mistakes and reacting the same way.

Well yeah. That all makes sense to be fair considering I have no idea what the hells going on in my relationship at the minute ¬_¬

 

The trials and tribulations of trying to get a job.

It seems ironic, that amongst all the fuckers who literally can't be arsed to get a bloody job, I have been trying my hardest and still can't get one.

Actually thought my luck was finally in the other day when I managed to get an interview. Prepared for it and was well buzzing. 

To be told when I got there that because of the number of people (aka immigrants) coming into the country, I'd need more ID for them to interview me, and that she couldn't legally actually carry on with the interview.

Bring on angry/upset Carrie

Because now as a country we have got to the stage where half of the population are too fucking lazy to get a job or go into further education, we are left with foreigners coming en mass who take our jobs because they are actually willing to work for cheap.

This is insulting.

To me and others who WANT a job and can't get one because of this

And because it paints us as a nation in which we are a bunch of lazy fuckers who can't be bothered to get a job. 

When in-fact, half of us are compromised by the benefit thieves.

As soon as that fucking NI Card arrives, I am going back out there and I WILL get a fucking interview if it kills me!!

x

First year of uni....has come and gone

Well, first year of uni is out of the way. I passed everything with reasonably high marks, which I'm happy about. 

Now being back up home I'm reflecting on what has been both a really good and really shit couple of months.

Many good things have happened, however amidst the positive usually comes a constant stream of negative for me.

I'm going to miss uni people A LOT.

Its going to be weird not being around people 24/ 7

I think you need freedom when you get to a certain age though

 I value independence.

Next year I will be making some decisions that will make independence a lot easier.

Currently, due to various reasons I am struggling financially.

I've had two properties to pay rent for, and two lots of deposits which has cost me the best side of two grand. On-top of that, there are train tickets etc. which become expensive when you live 400 miles away.

As well as that, and I do not deny this. I like HAVING FUN

Life is too fucking short to 'save for a rainy day' and be fucking boring.

So shoot me.

I party too much and maybe I did spend a bit on beer?

This is the first time I've had to lend money this year, and I intend to pay it back this week when the bank fixes its massive screw up. 

I'll pay for myself through my own means. I'm trying to get a job, but in the meantime, its my life, i don't usually borrow money and I'll live how the hell I like thanks.

This is what makes it hard being at home. Being accepted. I don't nag people, but they see it is alright to nag me constantly.

Next year, despite peoples opinions, I am going to have to be based in Reading a lot more so I can get a permanent job there.

Its something I want to do. For my own reasons. 

Sometimes you have to stop worrying about what everyone else wants, and do what makes YOU happy. This is not selfish, its the only way your going to get what you want out of life.

This week: a summary

Well, NOT in a good mood. I clearly must have been a serial killer in a past life or something because my karma is literally the definition of bitch.

So I thought I'd do a quick evaluation of what has gone right and wrong this week.

It also stops me from becoming mentally unhinged and yelling at people I shouldn't. 

GOOD:

* Back in Reading so I can see my mates!!! STAR FISH LOVE YOU :D

* Experienced some good bands at Download and met up with some awesome people (and saw my wife and holly)

* Didn't get TOO burnt at Download

* Experienced the joy of being able to drink vodka at 8am and no-one judging you :)

* I have strong, cheap cider. Tramp style.

* Weekend is gonna be awesome :D

BAD

* No money. Skint. Ruined download and means I can't have much fun now.

* Rained on sunday at Download. Missed Aerosmith. Tent got wet. So did sleeping bag. Had to climb up one big ass hill in the rain.

* Purse got stolen at Download.

So means I had to replace debit card 

And I lost: nice purse, national insurance and provisional license, none of which I can afford to replace anytime soon

* Passport is out of date so can't use it as ID.

I have no ID. 

Mintt. I am officially a 16 year old again. Lol.

* Laptop decided this morning that it would erase every file that I have and be a complete knob. Was not impressed. A lot of swearing and chain smoking occurred.

* Cunts keep mowing the grass millions of times a day

IS IT REALLY FUCKING NECESSARY 

SOME OF US HAVE HAYFEVER YOU LAWNMOWER DRIVING BASTARDS

But yeah. Think thats ABOUT it

Everyone tagged is in the good list btw lol

Am not that much of a cunt lol

Peace

I'm off to drink white cider :D

X

"Hope the bastard has a really fucking good time on two pounds"

And so I continue to prove that I have the worst run of luck in the world. I should copyright the word fail in order for it to apply to me. Its only fair really.

Download festival was awesome in its own right. Great bands, lots of alcohol, mates. It had the potential. However when you add in the fact that I was skint (for reasons I will not start another rant about) I attended the festival completely skint. 

Does not help to begin with. 

Thankyou for everyone who gave me beers and smokes, much appreciated :D

However the fact I had no money of my own DID MY FUCKING HEAD IN

Equalled pissed off carrie.

Add in arguments and the fact that some CUNT nicked my purse, it did not create a good mood for me.

Yeah. My purse. That had 22 pence and 2 pounds on my card. And my national insurance, provisional etc.

Hope the bastard had a really fucking good time on two pounds cos he fucking has screwed things up for me. I can't afford to replace any of it. And my passport is out of date so I can't renew it.

No ID! No money! Might as well not exist!

Awesome.

Plus I can't afford my phone bill.

I WANT a job right.

But being at uni 400 miles away from where I live and constantly being in two places at once does not constitute good employment opportunities.

I'm back up durham for three months and we live in the middle of nowhere and can't drive so how the fuck am I gonna get a job!!

ARRGHHHHHHHH

Am aware this has turned into a rant.

Just want some advice or answers to this weeks shit!!!!!

There are a few people making this week A LOT better

Bring on saturday :D

Amen.

Time to get pissed on cheap cider.

x

Superficial, shallow people.

Without specifying particularly, certain people in my life keep disappointing me.

It hurts to have judgement passed on the way you live your life from a superficial angle

Because that way nothing is ever good enough.

This is just me writing so I don't shout at the wrong people. 

I'd like to point out that I appreciate people for their personality or who they are, not what they do or how they live their lives.

I believe evaluating people superficially and materialistically shows a certain level of narrow mindedness. It also suggests that despite expecting so much of other people, they are in-fact not happy with what they themselves have acheived in life. 

So criticise, but I'm happy with who I am thanks.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but actually having a great end to the week and hopefully an awesome weekend. 

Despite the two people this is directed at, its been awesome being able to see my family and people up here. Maybe if I did this more often I wouldn't get down so much.

But yeah.

Scholarship money came through today.

So pub in a bit

Get wrecked.

End of.

:D

Well a fun weekend of being pissed off for no reason.

Sometimes I just cant be arsed with things.

This weekend has been one in which I have been the most miserable git in the world.

I can't really help it to be fair, I go through periods where I'm just really down for no reason.

Coupled with insomnia it makes for a really fun mix

And equals in pissed off, miserable, no fun Carrie. 

I think I've got over it. 

After watching random mighty boosh clips and Bonnie Tyler videos whilst drinking cider I seem to be in a much better mood.

I would love to know WHY I'm down.

Its one of those things.

When people ask why your down they expect to have some kind of answer to why your depressed. 

I don't have one? 

I'm not trying to be self-involved

Am just explaining

Things are going surprisingly well for me at the minute, so rightly I shouldn't be down.

Strange how things work like that. 

But that aside, I've just been totally miserable this weekend. Had a random chat at 2am this morning with my mate and it proper cheered me up to know that someone else gets what I'm talking about.

Maybe I just have screwed up brain functions. 

Wouldn't surprise me to be fair.

Think this time its because I'm going through the whole 'why did i choose to go to uni in reading' thing. 

I start to miss people I can't see that much and revision (or extreme procrastination in this case) means no-ones going out much here and that results in cabin fever Carrie, which equals miserable Carrie.

But yeah, rambling aside.

Cheers for people who are always there when I get like this.

And cheers for those I've probably annoyed to death by being miserable.

Emo post over.

I'm now clearly going to go and 'revise'.

And not watch shit and drink cider.

Clearly.

Sometimes you start to lose faith in people.....

 I yet again have had a fun night attempting to sleep and failing miserably. 

I get in this rut of feeling incredibly tired all the time and having little energy yet not being able to sleep.

This rut is called insomnia.

I have to tell you, it sucks.

You do actually learn to live with it to an extent, but if I could be one of those people that fall asleep anywhere, I would be. Seriously.

But yeah, I guess it gives you more time to think. 

Number one topic of the moment is people.

I have some awesome mates but also some who continually let you down. I am quite a generous person so I do sometimes tend to give people second chances who probably do not deserve them.


I can remember in sixth form when I didn't fit in ANYWHERE and started to find people outside of the closeted, shitty private school that I went to. 
Met some awesome people.
Time moves on though and so do people's priorities. 
Seems sometimes people manipulate you and only want to be friends with you when they are single or want your help or money (or lack of, in my case). 
In name of not driving myself clinically insane, I'm going to have to start to bother with these people less.
I did start, the other week, but that's another thing entirely.


There's also people you dedicate time to that turn out to be the biggest dickhead losers on the planet. 
For example those who you start seeing and continually get undermined and accused of cheating on them.
I don't pretend to be an angel, but I definitely do not consider it necessary to be so bitter and insulting when I finally get sick of false accusations.
http://www.formspring.me/glamfuckup


Another case in which I  mistakenly gave someone a chance I guess.
I suppose in time I will become a better judge of character and experience less constant headfuck.


Have to say though, met some awesome people this year.
You know who you are.


Uni definitely has done me some favours.
Despite having randomly chosen somewhere 400 miles from home, which makes seeing people there rather difficult, (and expensive).
Guess it makes you appreciate people more. 


Well, I'm gonna stop rambling and do some 'revision'
Or perhaps find out why some guy has just walked past my window and made groaning noises.
Actually I might not. 
I am slightly disturbed.

Way too fucking early

Well I actually have a MyOpera blog account already, however the only people that seem to be on there are Asian perverts, so I've decided to give this one a try....

You can see all my past posts (which seem mostly to be of me ranting about stuff) at: http://my.opera.com/glamfuckup/archive/

The ranting thing makes sense actually. I usually have the intention to write stuff down to vent rather than continuously bother people with my problems, when they likely have many worse of their own....

This approach works sometimes, and doesn't a lot of the time....mostly I seem to let things build up then flip out over something really stupid.

But the intentions there I guess.

That pretty much sums up my attitude to life really: I'm laid back the vast majority of the time and then suddenly randomly snap over losing a shoe or a bus ticket or something. Obviously it has fuck all to do with the bus ticket, but it sure does get it.

But yeah I'll end up rambling on about pure shite if i continue, plus I feel like shite anyway due to a mixture of hayfever, illness, and insomnia, so I will kindly fuck off now.

:)